Ugh, ya’ll, even typing that makes me feel crappy, but it is true. I do not like my dog. I do not know what to do about it. The thought of spending a maternity leave home with her is making me dread May.
13 months ago, when Gabe was 2 weeks old, my dog of 7 years very suddenly passed away. We think she had a stroke. It was horribly sad to me- it was DH and my first baby! And then it was stressful. I have NEVER not had a dog. I couldn’t imagine my kids growing up dog less. And here I had this tiny baby and all I could think about was “I can’t introduce a dog when a toddler is around. That is crazy! So a month after Kyla passed we adopted a 3 month old puppy. It was a good decision. I’ll defend this decision even though a lot of people think it’s the reason I am where I am. I was home for 3 months, I was comfortable with potty training and other training while I took care of a newborn, and it went to plan. We chose a rescue but a very young one. We met with the foster owners. She had lived with young children, cats and other dogs for over a month. She did not bark and she was playful with DD (5 years old) but not aggressive. She was friendly, she potty trained well.
When I went back to work things started going downhill. She wasn’t the same personality of my old dog, a real alpha, but she exhibited behaviors that seemed similar, so we were training her similarly. She went to puppy training and graduated. When she hit 6 months old she hit what we now know is a “fear period”. She became territorial. Aggressive. She began hunting the cats- not playing with them. She would hide under chairs, growl and snap at DH and I, but not the kids. We didn’t know what the hell to do. We took her to one-on-one training with our old dog’s trainers and they basically suggested plying her with hot dogs until she agreed to do what we asked. I think this set us in a further downward spiral. She didn’t think we were in charge at all, so she “took charge.” She didn’t tolerate guests. Our refuge, the PetsMart play time, cost $20 a day but we took her to try to give her some outlet and she was increasingly aggressive there as well. It all came to a head on Gabe’s 1st birthday party when we got the call (with over 50 people in our house) that Kira was NOT welcome at PetsMart and we needed to pick her up immediately. She spent the party in my garage and that night trapped one of my cats in the closet culminating in a bloody fight I thought killed my 14 year old girl. It wound up my cat tore the hell out of the dog’s gums, but I hyperventilated.
We talked very seriously but DH is stubborn. I wanted the dog. I get that. I picked her out. I trained her! I was the one failing- I understand. But I’m also pregnant again at this point, tired and I didn’t want THIS dog. His opinion- THIS dog or NEVER another. Crazy IMO. I wasn’t going to run out right away like the last time. I had a baby walker- exactly what I didn’t want with a young pup. BUT Kira never ever had issues with the kids. She had a tolerance for Gabe that extended to hugs and kisses. She had her moments where she seemed to TRY. So we shelled out $600 for BarkBusters for a training forlife deal, theory being we would try a one on one training with a different feel and, if we had to give her away, the training would go with her. I can’t tell you how hard it was to come up with that cash. But we did.
BarkBusters helped A LOT. We re-established pack hierarchy. Kira is visibly calmer. She tolerates most guests and when she has an issue, she is passive about it and we address it. She sits calmly when I answer the door and looks to me for her cues. Great. It’s MUCH BETTER. We are on call with our trainer and haven’t needed to for a while.
But I have been tainted. What was supposed to be a pleasure has become a chore. I know dogs are hard work. I have worked my ass off for this crazy dog, and it’s paying off. But it’s killed my feelings towards her. She does normal puppy things like bark at shadows and I get overly irritated. I grumble about spending money on toys, I don’t find joy in training her and I don’t look at her fondly. I wish she’d go away. It’s awful. I take pictures and try to spend time bonding with her and I know she looks to me like her mom, which makes it worse. We’ll spend an afternoon together, it will be good- even fun- and then later in the evening she’s a holy terror (as dogs will be) and irrationally I take it personally- like, what more do you want from me dog!?! I miss my cats. I see them only when she is locked up- my girl cat tried and the last fight was her last straw. I have to carry a spray bottle around all the time because if Kira gets in an adrenaline zone, it’s the only thing that snaps her out fast. I worry she knows it. I say things I regret not because the dog can hear it but because my kids can. Yesterday I got a few blessed minutes to clean and Kira barked at my son sleeping on the couch- he turned and it startled her. Baby screaming, cleaning time gone, me yelling in frustration that the dog is just worthless… instant guilt.
Advice? Bonding tips?
